Couples Therapy
EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) for couples, both online and in-person
Has your relationship felt like this in the past…?
But lately it’s been feeling more like this?
There is hope!
If only your partner could understand…
I was just trying to help!
Maybe you see your partner struggling and it sucks! You want to offer advice, suggestions, or even know-how in an area you are very familiar in. But when you try to bring it up, your partner just gets angry and can’t seem to realize you’re coming from a good place, of wanting to help. What if there were a way for your partner to understand where you’re coming from, on a deeper level?
Can’t you see me trying?
You do so many things for this relationship. Maybe you’re the main breadwinner; or maybe you take care of things around the house; or both! Or perhaps you keep up with all the appointments and million “little” things that keep your lives afloat. Or initiate the tough conversations. Whatever it is you’re doing, there could be times it feels as though your partner doesn’t see it. Instead, it could feel like your efforts go unnoticed…and so do you. Could there ever be a way for your partner to truly see and appreciate just how much you are doing in this relationship? And what if you could have the same opportunity—to notice some things that may have flown under your radar?
Why can’t you have my back?
Maybe it’s a family member…maybe it’s a friend or other loved one; but sometimes it feels as though your space, time, or energy as a couple is not being respected by others. And you just need your partner to have your back on this! But when you try to talk about it, it somehow always turns into an argument. What if you and your partner could begin to rebuild trust and feel that solid sense of support that comes from knowing you’ve got each other’s backs?
I am just so…tired.
You have been trying for so long to get your partner to see you…to hear you. And to talk with you. But no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. And now you’re so tired from trying, you’re not sure if you have it in you to keep going. What if your partner could begin to meet you where you are so it doesn’t feel like you have to go the distance for the both of you?
Please give me some space!
Something happens…Maybe it’s a big thing. Maybe it’s a little thing. All you know is, you’re feeling some type of way about it (or maybe your partner is) and you aren’t sure yet exactly what it is you’re feeling or why. You need some time and space to process so you don’t say or do anything that could make things worse. But your partner needs to talk right now! This feels risky…very risky. What if your partner could learn to give you the space you need (but not be mad about it)?
I just want to know how you feel!
You love your partner. Your partner loves you. You know this deep down, but you’re also curious about some of the in-between stuff. You want to know your partner’s thoughts and feelings about certain things…so why does it feel like they never want to share those things? Like there’s some kind of wall up? What might it be like to imagine your partner sharing their inner world with you…and being more curious about yours?
In couples therapy, both you and your partner will have the chance to:
Gain insight into where and how you’re getting stuck. Disconnection can happen so fast…in a matter of seconds! Understanding the cycle of where the disconnect happens for you as a couple is the first step to reconnecting.
Build safety and comfort with talking about feelings. You’ll learn how to effectively hear and share the hard stuff…but also the good stuff! Because sometimes even the good stuff can get lost when there’s disconnection.
Finally feel seen and heard. Through making careful space for each other’s experiences, you will have the chance not just to understand each other cognitively, but to actually get a sense of what it’s felt like to walk in your partner’s shoes. And experience the immense relief when your partner finally gets what it’s been like to walk in yours.
Reconnect! Remember that person you fell in love with? When making intentional space to reconnect, it can feel like reuniting with your long lost love…and often there can be connection in completely new and deeper ways.
So wait…What’s EFT again?
EFT stands for Emotionally Focused Therapy. The American Psychological Association (APA) recommends EFT as the “Gold Standard” for couples treatment (as does Google!). It is based on decades of powerful, systemic research measuring couples’ heart rates, blood pressure, brain activity, feelings of bonding, and more both before and after receiving the therapy, with results pointing to extremely high efficacy rates (70-90%).
The unfortunate reality:
Unfortunately, the majority of couples therapists do not receive specialized training to learn specifically how to work with couples (only individuals). There still can be benefit from receiving this therapy; but if you and your partner are looking for a more focused, specialized treatment, EFT is the way to go!
I love EFT for its non-blaming focus—not on the “he said, she said” or on finding out who’s “right” and who’s “wrong”—but on uncovering the deep bond that brought couples together in the first place.
To find out more about EFT, please check out this excellent, short video.
Are you ready to reconnect?
